Position: Director of Quality Control

Reviews all carpet for structural soundness. Findings pending since 2021.

Position: Head of Employee Wellness

Demonstrates proper stress management by napping upside down, in public, at all hours.

Position: Director of Field Operations

Conducts unannounced coastal site visits. Reimburses travel expenses in stolen socks.

Position: President of Pest Control

Prefers not to join video calls. Communicates entirely through silence and vibes.

Position: Director of Night Operations

Oversees the office after hours. No one has seen the report, only the eyes in the dark.

Position: VP of Trail Maintenance

Field-tests every trail personally, usually at a dead sprint, usually through a creek.

Position: Head of Security

Treats the windowsill as a perimeter and every bird as a credible threat.

Position: Intern, Enthusiasm Department

Full-time job is jumping over things that do not need to be jumped over. Unpaid, thrilled about it.